My Outline
1. Topic Sentence : “ Globalization has changed technology of public
transportation side “
|
2. Major Supporting 1 : In Indonesia, technology of eco-friendly car as a result of change caused by globalization |
3. Major Supporting 2 : Globalization changed the technology of
train
|
4. Major Supporting 3 : Globalization have affected the
technology of bus
|
5. Concluding Sentence: In summary, globalization has
changed three major of public transportation which are changed technology of
car, train, and bus.
|
My Essay
“ Globalization has changed technology of public transportation side “
“ Globalization has changed technology of public transportation side “
Based on Wikipedia.com, Globalization is the process of
interaction and integration among people, companies, and governments worldwide.
As a complex and multifaceted phenomenon, globalization have most affected all
sectors in our life which are internet, telecommunication, and technology infrastructure.
Recently, globalization has significantly to advances in public transportation
technology. As the result of globalization has changed three major of public
transportation which are technology of car, train, and bus.
In Indonesia, the technology of cars as a result of change caused by
globalization. We can see that the technology has changes, it starts from using
petrol and change become using electric and gas systems. Then, technology has
changes on driver systems. But currently, the cars can drive with driverless
system. Furthermore, technology of cars such as driver and fuel system has
changed become advanced caused by globalization.
Next, Globalization
changed the technology of trains. Indonesia trains have many improvement in the technology
of machine and driver systems. Technology of machine system has changed from
using locomotive system become use electric machine because electric train are
more efficient than locomotive system. Then, Globalization give betterment for
driver system, the train can operate without the driver. Therefore, the
technology of train has efficient and automatically system caused by
globalization.
The last,
Globalization have affected the technology of bus. Currently, globalization has
changes technology of bus from the using the petrol fuel and now bus using gas
system because the performance of gas system is more better than petrol fuel. Then,technology
of
passenger information control to
announce journey time to the destination and travel fare. The newest technology of bus will give
improve bus performance.
As a result the globalization has changes many field in
this world, but focusing on improving and make changes the technology of cars,
trains,and bus become better and efficient.
Hi Wildan, it's a nice topic but i think your conclusion is too short.
BalasHapusOkee thank you
Hapusyour essay already good. but you can add more for the conclusion to make your essay perfect. Good job !!
BalasHapusOke ready, thank you
HapusHai, i think you haven't used academic verbs. To be better and according to the lecturer said, you can check and change your informal words become academic verbs such as "can" -> "is capable of" and others. Thank youuu
BalasHapusOkay, thank you
HapusHai wildan, i am so glad to read on ur essay but i just want to suggest you that you must to add your conclusion. Thank you, have a nice day
BalasHapusin the first paragraph i think its not good if u said " Wikipedia.com" maybe u can change to the good words. but overall its good article , gluck
BalasHapuswhat a good essay, but your conclusion very short you can add it. wildan good job ;)
BalasHapusHi wildan, your essay is good... But I suggest you add more your conclusion... Thank you
BalasHapusHi wildan, your essay is good. But i think your essay too general. Good job
BalasHapusHaii , it’s good essay. But i think you haven’t use time phrases and academic words. And i you your essay is more than 250-300 word. So may you check it again. But overall good. Good job!!!
BalasHapusHello
BalasHapusYour essay is good, but I think you should change the title. You should put the topic sentence as the last sentence on your introductory paragraph.
hey wildan. i found several ineffective and ambiguous sentence in your essay. for example like "Technology of machine system has changed from using locomotive system become use electric machine because electric train are more efficient than locomotive system." you can make it short to be "Technology of machine system has changed from using locomotive system to electric machine to make it more efficient." You should pay attention to this to make your essay better. GOODLUCK!
BalasHapusHi Wil! I found many repeating words in your essay, it makes your essay ineffective. You should make it shorter, and adding more information instead. Overall, it is a good essay.
BalasHapusRevised Essay and Outline
BalasHapus1. Topic Sentence : “ Globalization has changed technology of public transportation side “
2. Major Supporting 1 : In Indonesia, technology of eco-friendly car as a result of change caused by globalization
3. Major Supporting 2 : Globalization changed the technology of train
4. Major Supporting 3 : Globalization have affected the technology of bus
5. Concluding Sentence: In summary, globalization has changed three major of public transportation which are changed technology of car, train, and bus.
“ Globalization has changed technology of public transportation side “
Based on Wikipedia.com, Globalization is the process of interaction and integration among people, companies, and governments worldwide. As a complex and multifaceted phenomenon, globalization have most affected all infrastructure in our life which are internet, telecommunication, and technology infrastructure. Recently, globalization has significantly to advances in public transportation technology. As the result of globalization has changed technology of public transportation side which are technology of eco friendly car, train, and bus.
In Indonesia, the technology of cars as a result of change caused by globalization. We can see that the technology has changes, it starts from using petrol and change become using electric and gas systems. Then, technology has changes on driver systems. But currently, the cars can drive with driverless system. Furthermore, technology of cars such as driver and fuel system has changed become advanced caused by globalization.
Next, Globalization changed the technology of trains. Indonesia trains have many improvement in the technology of machine and driver systems. Technology of machine system has changed from using locomotive system to electric machine to make it more efficient. Then, Globalization give betterment for driver system, the train can operate without the driver. Therefore, the technology of train has efficient and automatically system caused by globalization.
The last, Globalization have affected the technology of bus. Currently, globalization has changes technology of bus from the using the petrol fuel and now bus using gas system because the performance of gas system is more better than petrol fuel. Then,technology of passenger information control to announce journey time to the destination and travel fare. The newest technology of bus will give improve bus performance.
In conclusion, the globalization have affected many field in this world especially on technology of public transportation to focusing on improving the systems. Change of technology of cars, trains, and bus will help the people activities become easier and efficient. As the result of globalization has changed three major of public transportation which are technology of eco friendly car, train, and bus.
hi wildan, i’ve read your essay and i found it was a very good essay! the way you choose your sentences makes the readers especially me undestood, and it was very good because you put the time phares according to period of the time. Good job
BalasHapusHey! Your essay is good but you have some grammatical error there. Maybe you could fix it. Thank you!
BalasHapusHey, Such a good topic, your essay easy to understand and easy to read. Good job!
BalasHapusyour essay is already good. that is not too general but not to specific, so you can still elaborate the supporting sentences. good job, Wildan! :)
BalasHapusits a good topic and great essay and you can add more on conclusion
BalasHapusMy Outline
BalasHapus1. Topic Sentence: “ Globalization has changed technology of public transportation side “
2. Major Supporting 1: In Indonesia, the technology of eco-friendly car as a result of change caused by globalization
3. Major Supporting 2: Globalization changed the technology of train
4. Major Supporting 3: Globalization have affected the technology of bus
5. Concluding Sentence: In summary, globalization has changed three major of public transportation which is changed technology of car, train, and bus.
My Essay
“ Globalization has changed the technology of public transportation side “
Based on Wikipedia.com, Globalization is the process of interaction and integration among people, companies, and governments worldwide. As a complex and multifaceted phenomenon, globalization has most affected all sectors in our life which are internet, telecommunication, and technology infrastructure. Recently, globalization has significantly to advances in public transportation technology. As a result of globalization has changed three major of public transportation which is the technology of car, train, and bus.
In Indonesia, the technology of cars as a result of the change caused by globalization. We can see that the technology has changed, it starts by using petrol and changes become using electric and gas systems. Then, technology has changed in driver systems. But currently, the cars can drive with a driverless system. Furthermore, the of cars such as driver and fuel system has changed become advanced caused by globalization.
Next, Globalization changed the technology of trains. Indonesia trains have many improvements in the technology of machine and driver systems. The technology of machine system has changed from using a locomotive system become use the machine because electric train is more efficient than the locomotive system. Then, Globalization gives betterment for driver system, the train can operate without the driver. Therefore, the technology of train has efficient and automatically system caused by globalization.
The last, Globalization has affected the technology of bus. Currently, globalization has changed the of bus from using the petrol fuel and now bus using a gas system because the performance of the gas system is better than petrol fuel. Then, the of passenger information control to announce journey time to the destination and travel fare. The newest technology of bus will give improve bus performance.
As a result, the globalization has changed many fields in this world, but focusing on improving and make changes the technology of cars, trains, and bus become better and efficient.